Being coached reminded me why I love my work as an executive coach, because a coach can help you get real clear on what you want in your life, what you need, what might be preventing you from getting it, what steps you need to take now, kick you into action and hold you accountable!  As a result of my experience this weekend, I am recommitted to my work as a coach, to walking the walk. I am confident with the support and encouragement of my coaches anything is possible.

I mentioned I brought my son-in-law along with me and my daughter and grandson joined us after hours. So, I thought I would share what my daughter wrote about her experience as an observer!

This weekend, I had the opportunity to spend time in San Diego with my mom and husband while they attended a seminar. On the first day, they shared with me that they were asked to write down the top three defining moments of their lives along with how and why these moments affected them so deeply. This question got me thinking.

Lucky for me, while they were sitting working through this in a hotel conference room, I got to stroll through Balboa park and La Jolla  beach with my newborn son and reflect on what these moments were for me. All of these moments in my life share one thing in common, they all opened my eyes to new understanding about and compassion for the people around me who have shared a similar experience. In reflection, all of these moments changed my consciousness about how I relate to myself and others.

Of course, having an almost three month old baby, I believe I am living one of those moments right now. A major life rite of passage. Suddenly, I belong to this large group of men and women who are parents. The mysteries of this part of life are unraveling and revealing themselves to me. I now have glimpses of understanding why so many moms and dads shared with me stories of how your life is never the same in so many beautiful yet incredibly challenging ways.

I laugh at myself when I remember telling my girlfriends while pregnant that I would be able to make it to yoga just weeks after Harper was born. I had it all planned out, I would roll out my mat in the yoga studio and perch this sleeping baby in his seat right next to me as I breathed and stretched through a blissful yoga practice. And the days I didn’t make it to the yoga studio, I would pop him in the jogging stroller and go out for a long glorious run. I don’t think I would have believed it then if my friends would have told me I was living in a dream world.

Now that I am a mom, I do believe there will be blissful yoga practices and long glorious runs in my future, albeit not at the same frequency as before. Now that I am a mom, I can relate to my clients who tell me they are just too busy to fit exercise or self care into their lives. However, as a healthcare provider I understand that fitting in just 30 minutes of exercise  daily will dramatically improve your happiness, health and longevity.

So these days while I’m struggling to balance adoring and nurturing my son, my career, maintaining friendships and being a wife, I remind myself why getting at least those 30 minutes every day is so important. It is important because:

Exercise boosts immunity by flushing out bacteria from your lungs while deep breathing and may flush out carcinogens by increasing the body’s waste output.

Exercise slows down the release of stress related hormones which contribute to physical and mental disease.

Exercise has been proven to be a better anti-depressant than any pharmaceutical prescription because of the immediate endorphin surge and long term boost to serotonin production.

Exercise strengthens our muscles, promoting healthy posture and decreased episodes of back pain.

Although this short list is enough reason to get moving, I could honestly go on for pages about the myriad of benefits of daily moderate exercise.  This month of May is national fitness month and I invite you to join me in observing the occasion. It can be as simple as committing to a daily walk or as involved as going out rock climbing…just find the thing you love to do, and keep doing it!

Teresa

Your Coach

We will discuss three Steps to Attracting the Right People in Your life; Friends, Employees, Employers, Clients, Customers and Yes, Your Soul Mate, The Person of Your Dreams……..

Step # 1 Be, Step #2 Do Step # 3 Have…Be- Do -Have

Step #1 Be, Who You Are! What do you want in a relationship? As in almost any pursuit in life it is helpful to know what you want before you can determine what to do to have what you want.

 In “The Relationship Rescue Workbook” written by Dr. Phil, He recommends that we identify those qualities we most admire in others and would like to work on in ourselves. To reconnect with some of the qualities that mean the most to us by taking stock of what we esteem in others. Emulating those whom we admire is a positive thing

Exercise

1. Identifying three people that you admire the most and write their names on a piece of paper: They maybe friends, family members, and or famous people-whoever exhibits the qualities you consider most important.

2. After you select three people, list at least five qualities that describe what you most admire about them.

Are you having a hard time getting the list started? Here is a list of characteristics people often say are important ,according to Dr. Livingston’s book “How to Love”, 

§  honesty

§  honoring commitments,

§  being trust worthy,

§  treating people with respect,

§  patience,

§  generosity,

§  forgiveness, loving, and Flexibility

The next question is: Do you exemplify the qualities and characteristics you admire most and say you value in others?

Ask yourself these questions:

·        Are you the person someone with the qualities, characteristics and attributes you say are important, that you value, would be attracted to; want to work for; buy from; and be friends with; and or contribute to their cause?

·        Are your actions consistent with what you say is important, what you say you value most? For Example:

o   If you say you value honesty: Are you honest;

o   Are you someone who can be trusted? 

o   Can you trust yourself to do what you say you will do for yourself?

o   When you committee to eat healthy, exercise, be a good friend, do you keep your commitments to yourself?

o   If not why would someone else believe they can trust you to honor your commitments to them?

o   Are you dependable, can others count on you to do what you say when you say you will do it?

o   Do you treat others and yourself with respect? This includes keeping your appointments and showing up on-time.

o   Are you patience, kind, generous, forgiving, loving, flexible and in control of your emotions even at times of stress?

·        Is there a Gap between who you are and what you are looking for in others?  

Step # 2 Do what is necessary to Be—Take Action to close that Gap between who you are and who you would like to attract in your life.

Exercise

a.     So let’s start by focusing on the qualities worth incorporating in your life.

b.     Take out a piece of paper and pencil and let’s make another list. It should look like this:

a.     Make two columns,

b.     Head the first column “In a Perfect World I am…….

c.      And the second column… In reality I am…..

d.     And down the left side list these categories

§  Physically, Professionally, Spiritually, emotionally, Relationally, Financially, intellectually

c.      Your goal is to uncover those excellent qualities in you. Dr, Phil says “Call those qualities out of hiding,” they might be buried under lots of crap, self doubt, negative messages others have told you but we know they are there.

§  Now finish the chart.

§  Describe how the reality of your life differs from the ideal or potential regarding these qualities. “The Gap”

§  Be honest as you can.

§  Until you name what you want, you can’t claim if for yourself.

Now you have very specific areas you can begin to focus your efforts on improving or building on.

Develop your specific goal directed action plan for yourself to close the gap between what you want and what is. Now let’s recap

a.     Now you have your list of the qualities and characteristics you admire most in others.

b.     You have taken a good honest look at yourself to determine if you yourself have those qualities and characteristics

c.      You have the outline for a goal directed, specific plan of action.

d.     Now we need to do the work; cultivate those qualities in you to become the person someone like you would love.

e.      Respect yourself enough to work at being that person. And as a result you will have/attract the right people in your life.

Step #3 Have —the relationships in your life you long for, that will add value and bring joy and happiness to your life!

So here are the three steps again:

Step #1 Be —Who You Are! So who are you? Know yourself first: What characteristics and qualities do you value most in others, Do you exemplify the qualities and characteristics you admire most and say you value in others?

Step # 2 Do—- What is necessary to Be the person you most admire-Take Action NOW and you will—

Step #3 Have —The relationships in your life you long for, that will add value and bring joy and happiness to your life!

Tune in on Thrusday, July 2nd at 7 - 10 PM to ”Teresa’s Relationship Coaching Segment” on www.Bdigix.com  Love and Happiness hosted by Andre Washington  to hear this topic presented.

If you would like more… on this topic and other Coaching Strategies for Successful Relationships—

Register for My teleconference Series, lead my myself and my coaching parent Julie Fuimano on Monday Evenings at 7:30 PM Eastern Time

Do you find yourself at the mercy of your emotions, a victim of reaction, behaving in ways that you’re not proud of and often regret? Are you one of the millions of people who avoid conflict and confrontation because you don’t know how to deal with other people’s emotions? Perhaps you avoid emotions entirely, not allowing yourself to feel deeply – out of fear or simply because you never learned how to experience, enjoy, and manage deep emotions such as love, joy, sadness, or happiness.

Perhaps you have become numb to emotions, not recognizing what or that you’re feeling something. Without the skills to handle them, you might “stuff” your emotions, exploding at some later time when you reach your breaking point. Then there are those who were taught not to feel, who grew up learning that feelings were bad and you shouldn’t have them at all. And when you do feel something, you cannot let anyone know about it.

Well, you’re not alone. Everyone has emotions and many people have no idea what to do with their emotions when they experience them. So, welcome to the Club. Learning more about emotions, understanding what happens to you when you become emotional; learning to control yourself and your responses to emotions are your personal responsibility as an adult – regardless of what you may have learned or witnessed as a child – and they a big part of living a successful life. Success cannot only be defined by what you do or what you have; it’s defined in your heart by how you feel about how you are living your life, the things you do, and the impact you make on others including how you make other people feel. Emotions are what make life grand. Emotions bring life to living.

What does it mean to be intelligent about your emotions? It means being able to recognize and manage your emotions as well as control your behavior in response to emotion. It also means you are aware of the emotions of others and are able to manage relationships using empathy and competence. This is the practice of becoming emotionally confident and it takes time, vigilance, and practice in order to enjoy your emotions and respond to them appropriately as well as becoming more adept at handling the emotions of others and dealing with conflict. Obviously, the better you are at knowing and managing yourself and your emotions, the better you become at dealing with other people’s emotions. The first step in learning about emotions is to become more conscious to what you are feeling in any given moment.

At the most basic level, emotions are messengers that bring your attention to something. If something feels good, then you will continue to do it. You will continue to behave in this way because of the way it makes you feel. If something feels bad, then you (hopefully) won’t continue to do it. It is human nature to move away from pain and toward pleasure.

[Strangely, this isn’t always the case. Often you will repeatedly do things that bring you pain, as in the case of addictions, bad relationships, and job dissatisfaction. Why do you perpetuate your own unhappiness? Perhaps the pattern of behavior is habit or you are “addicted” to the pain; it’s what you are used to, therefore, you continue to do what is familiar. Perhaps you simply don’t know any other way to react or respond. A coach can help.]

Emotions help you to gauge what is right for you and what isn’t quite right. This isn’t about right and wrong but rather what feels good versus what doesn’t feel good. We often hear of emotions as positive and good or negative and bad but emotions just are; there is no good or bad, right or wrong. There is no judgment to emotions. You may not like how certain emotions feel but that is about you, not the message. If you don’t like how it makes you feel then that is why developing your intelligence about emotions is necessary for creating your happiness.

By Julie Fuimano

Succes Coach and Author

www.nurturingyoursuccess.com

Are you feeling hopeful about the future? A linked-in member posted a comment on Monday, May 4, suggesting that she is seeing hopeful signs that the economy is turning around. She went on to ask if other entrepreneurs were seeing signs of economic recovery. Those that responded suggested they are seeing small signs of recovery; the signs ranged from an uptick in customer calls and most encouragingly a little more willingness by prospective clients to at least consider spending money on a product or service. Further, I have seen a few positive news headlines, for example: The May 5^th headline on the front page of The Free Lance-Star, Fredericksburg, VA., “Home sales, construction provide hope, both statistics were up in March, good news for the economy that building activity may be stabilizing” by Crutsinger, M., AP economics writer.

An increase in inquiry calls, a willingness by prospective buyers to consider spending money, and headlines like the one in the Free Lance-Star are hopeful signs. So, how are you feeling? Are you feeling hopeful about the future? Or, are you feeling anxious, fearful, or maybe even angry? Have you seen signs of recovery, and or have you accepted that there is a new reality and are making plans accordingly and moving forward? If not, why not? What is holding you back, what’s getting in your way of taking goal directed actions?

 Most of us will admit we are often our worst enemy; however, we are not always sure how to get out of our own way. One of the first steps is to recognize what you are actually doing to trip yourself up and create barriers to your own success and happiness. As a coach, that’s where I begin with my clients; helping them to become aware of habits of thought that may sabotage them and create barriers.  Some of these sabotaging thought processes cause an emotional reaction.

Today’s reality can fuel our anxiety, fear and often cause us to act based on our emotions. When our emotions are in control our prospective tends to narrow. Quoting from the article featured below, The basics of emotional intelligence: emotions as a messengers, “The part of your brain that operates when you are emotional is different than the area that allows for processing and mental reasoning. This means that when you are emotional, you cannot think or problem solve.” Julie Fuimano, MBA, BSN, RN, CSAC

 Regaining control of our emotions begins by recognizing the thoughts that trigger these emotions and as Julie states in her article “Dealing with your emotions by recognizing your emotions when they occur, understanding the message they bring you, and choosing to act in a way that best suits you, puts you in control and helps you to self-manage.”  Because our emotions can cloud our view it can make it difficult to know what to do and leave you feeling confused and or stuck.

If you are feeling stuck, uncertain or maybe your confidence has been shaken, take time to step back and ask yourself what steps can you take in this moment that might make a difference and take a step, and then take another step and then another……. Each step may seem small and insignificant but each step or action will bring you closer to your goals and help you to regain your confidence and control of your emotions. Have a goal in mind, but don’t spend your valuable mental energy focused on the goal, but rather focus on the steps you need to take and take the steps. With action you will regain lost momentum, ability to focus and clarity. With momentum, focus and clarity; your choices will become clearer, your actions will become easier and the journey will be more joyful. Before you know it, you will be more confident, hopeful and back in control. 

As you know you are not alone and there is no need to struggle in silence; reach out to your professional networks, your friends or a professional coach who might help broaden your prospective, and provide you with the support you need to get moving again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEqdr_Awdak

I hope you enjoy this inspiratinal and motivational you tube clip!

Your Coach

From space emerge beauty, creativity, relaxation innovation and appreciation. From a solid piece of marble the artist creates space by chiseling away pieces that reveal a new beauty.   Fine lace would be just a piece of fine cloth if it were not for the space around the threads, space that provides contrast and reveals light and beauty.

When we clean the clutter from our cars, offices, and homes we find space; we see and think more clearly, breathe easier and make room for what’s next. .  . When we clear our cluttered minds we are able to think and see more clearly and to know what actions need to taken. With this space we can examine our thoughts, make room and allow new creative and innovative thoughts to bubble up and we have the clarity to recognize them and know what action needs to be taken.

With space comes clarity and peace of mind.  

It doesn’t take a great scholar or philosopher to easily see the failings of our society today. I’m sure there are already hundreds of books written and being written about what happened that lead to headlines like the one in yesterday’s Washington Post:

“ U.S. Downturn Dragging World Into Recession, Report says Global Economy Will Shrink for the First Time Since 1940s” byAnthony Faiola  or this one “Girl’s Cries For Help ‘Fell on Deaf Ears’”  by Jonathan Mummolo.   

My great grandchildren and the leaders of their day will study and ponder how the largest, richest, most educated generation in US history went from boomers to bust. We might come to be known as the “Vortex” generation for drawing into our center every resource that surrounds us and creating the big sucking noise that is sure to be heard for generations.

It certainly is not our preferred legacy. So, it was tempting for me to make this an indictment about our business and political leaders, the boom generation as a whole or countless individuals that are paraded in front of us on the nightly news as they reluctantly transition from the head of their boardroom table to tables in courtrooms and even jails.   Frankly, there are so many scholars, historians, and philosophers that have a much deeper understanding and are highly qualified to do the research, contrast, and compare what is happening today with what has happened and why, and predict what is next, I will leave that in their capable hands.

This will be about one person “me” and the impact of one person. Like many, I believe that in today’s society, no man is an island and what we do as an individual or as a collective body…matters.  Shifting my career to coaching dove tailed with the very beginning of the economic downturn.  It may take me a few years more to determine if that was a good thing or not. Regardless, my personal learning and growth has accelerated at warp speed. Daily, I experience “aha” moments and gain new insights that bring new levels of personal awareness and clarity. The impact of my thoughts, actions, reactions, words and even the motivation behind those actions are inescapable.

With greater awareness comes greater accountability and responsibility.  I am finding the price I pay for not acting with the highest levels of integrity gets bigger and bigger with new awareness.  It gets harder to justify, or rationalize compromises in things big or small, it all matters.

For me, most of my recent growth has come as a result of my coaching and intentionally engaging in specific learning activities to deepen my own understanding and be a better coach.  However, I have also seen through the eyes of my clients that employers are less tolerant of poor performance; they are less likely to let someone get away with even small indiscretions.  Everyone is being forced to step up to new levels of accountability and responsibility or they are paying a big price.

My clients have shared their own fears and stories about employees who they have tolerated for years because they could afford to, but not today.  I want to share two recent experiences. In the first example, I omitted relevant information in an email exchange that lead the other party to a logical and more favorable conclusion.  I hesitated in correcting their assumption. Unfortunately, the damage was done in just the few seconds it took me to make poor choices.  The short term and long term price is steep; a lost business ally, lose of trust and confidence and most likely future business opportunities. The work that is required to re-build that trust , if it is even possible, will take a lot more time and effort then the few seconds it took to make a poor choice in the first place.

If you are wondering if this story is about an exchange you and I had, don’t worry it is not you. Why am I so sure it is not you? Because, the person in this story would not take the time to read an article I wrote about integrity. The price is BIG, and so are the growing pains along the way.

The second experience came a few days later. I went to my gym an hour early to be sure to get a spot in my often crowed yoga class.  I used the extra time to get in a little cardio workout on the tread mill. I removed my watch, placed it in the cup holder, and plugged in my headphones to the evening news, the time flew by. When I realized the time, I quickly brought my work out to an end.

In a matter of seconds, I decided not to wipe down the equipment. Here is how I rationalized that expensive decision; I didn’t bring a towel, I didn’t immediately spot the handy wipe dispenser, I didn’t really sweat on the machine and finally I don’t want to be late for my yoga class. Had I just taken a few extra seconds to wipe down the machine, surely I would have noticed I had left my watch in the cup holder.

As it turned out, I didn’t notice until the next morning when I looked at my arm to check the time. I immediately called the gym to ask if someone had found my watch. My watch had not been turned in so I went to the gym to look for myself, no watch. I called a few more times that day and the next day…..still no watch! 

It’s clear to me; I am paying an increasingly high price for even minor lapses in judgment or integrity.  Maybe the universe is satisfied…I have learned my lesson. While I was writing this blog entry, I received a call from the gym, they found my watch.  With a heightened level of awareness comes greater personal responsibility, accountability, there is no escaping, the evidence is clear there is a price to pay.

On the flip side, the reward for doing what you know is the right thing to do every time without delay is priceless.  The real guarantee is you are at peace ……mind, body and soul….and somehow, the universe knows! 

Humbly Speaking 

Teresa, Your Coach

FIFTY IS THE

NEW FIFTY

Ten Life Lessons for Women in Second Adulthood

If you are over Fifty, Wish you were over Fifty or know anyone who is over Fifty be sure to buy this books when it hits the stands:

Here’s the press release:

In this inspiring new book, Suzanne Braun Levine follows her groundbreaking Inventing the Rest of Our Lives, with a collection of fresh insights, research, and practical advice on the challenges and unexpected rewards for women in their fifties and beyond. Rich with anecdotes from the front lines of self-reinvention, FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY: Ten Life Lessons for Women in Second Adulthood (Viking; On-sale: April 6, 2009; $25.95) captures the voices of  women who are confronting change, renegotiating their relationships, and discovering who they are, now that they are finally grown up.

Fifty is the new fifty. It is not the new thirty or forty. With this book Levine empowers women to liberate their authentic selves. You don’t have to leave your job, your husband, your home, or your senses to move forward. Small steps, incremental changes—saying “no,” cancelling a lunch date, coloring your hair (or embracing the grey)—can all activate a renewed sense of self and well being. Shaped by Levine’s lively voice, this book reads like a conversation among women who know what they are talking about—and want to share what they have discovered.

Among the lessons are: “No” is not a four-letter word, on the energizing power of standing up for what you mean and what you want; Do unto yourself as you have been doing unto others, a new way of getting yourself to the top of the to-do list; and Your marriage can make it, reassurance that changing your outlook doesn’t have to mean walking away from your marriage. Other lessons include:

¨       Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

¨       A “Circle of Trust” is a Must

¨       Every Crisis Creates a “New Normal”

¨       Age is Not a Disease

¨       You Do Know What You Want to Do with the Rest of Your Life

¨       “Both” is the New “Either / Or”

Drawing on the collective wisdom gleaned from communities of women, shaped by Suzanne Braun Levine’s own experience and empathetic voice, FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY is about wisdom, survival, joy, and camaraderie. It’s informative and interesting and a must-have for everyone as she heads into the next act —Second Adulthood—or is already in it.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Suzanne Braun Levine is the author of Inventing the Rest of Our Lives: Women in Second Adulthood, and other works of non-fiction, including an oral history of Bella Abzug in 2007.  She was the first editor of Ms. magazine, and the editor of The Columbia Journalism Review. She produced the Peabody-Award-winning documentary, “She’s Nobody’s Baby: A History of American Women in the Twentieth Century.” An authority on women and family issues, she is a Contributing Editor to More magazine, lectures widely and is frequently interviewed in the media, including Oprah, Good Morning America, Charlie Rose, Today and NPR. She lives in New York

www.SuzanneBraunLevine.com

FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY:

Ten Life Lessons for Women in Second Adulthood

Suzanne Braun Levine

A Viking Hardcover ▪ On-sale: April 6, 2009

$25.95 ▪ ISBN: 978-0-670-02068-3

For more information or to schedule an interview with Suzanne Braun Levine, contact:

Louise Braverman, 212.366.2752 / louise.braverman@us.penguingroup.com or

www.penguin.com

Penguin Group (USA) Inc. is the U.S. member of the internationally renowned Penguin Group.  Penguin Group (USA) is one of the leading U.S. adult and children’s trade book publishers, owning a wide range of imprints and trademarks, including Berkley Books, Dutton, Frederick Warne, G.P. Putnam’s Sons, Grosset & Dunlap, New American Library, Penguin, Philomel, Riverhead Books and Viking, among others. The Penguin Group is part of Pearson plc, the international media company.

Today, I receive my daily inspirational message from  Yehuda Berg [email@kabbalahmail.com] and he described a spiritual teacher this way and I quote:

“First and foremost, a teacher is a friend, probably the most important friend you could have.  Teachers are essential to our lives not because they’re so much smarter, older, or more knowledgeable about spirituality, but because they can see the heights of our potential, and they aren’t afraid to push us there.

When we feel like we’re beyond help, our teacher can boost us back up and make us see things for what they really are. They believe in us when we don’t believe in ourselves anymore.

Teachers don’t help us so we’ll love them more, but they know that they are just a channel for the Light and that the only way to truly help someone grow is to channel what is best for them.  That’s why even when they tell us things that are difficult for us to hear or sometimes downright painful to realize, it can inspire us and make us feel great. 

Essentially, they are simply plugging us back into the Light. A true teacher understands that our soul already knows everything we could ever need to know – they’re just helping reconnect that part of ourselves”.

The next time a friend, mentor, leader, or your coach pushes you, pay attention. Maybe they are seeing in you what you refuse to see, be grateful  they are in your life and that they care enough to want you to live up to your full potential.

Warmly Your Coach